My blog...a glimpse into the meanderings of my mind.

Maybe....

2007-12-03T23:10:00.000-05:00

Maybe I've remembered that I post thoughts and such here...
Maybe I'm still alive...
Maybe I've changed jobs since the last post....
Maybe I've gotten new hobbies...
Maybe I've developed new friendships...
Maybe I've acquired new vehicles...
Maybe I look a little different...
Maybe....just maybe things have changed...

Pillows and Blankets and such

2007-02-20T14:35:00.000-05:00

Just so all you happy peoples out there who read this can know...lack of sleep messes you up. The past 2 days i've not been able to get to sleep until the early AM...this morn it was almost 7:30, and i was in bed at around 1:30. The night before wasn't quite as bad, but still was later than is healthy. The second thing is the quality of sleep has been greatly deteriorated over the past several weeks...resulting in restlessness, tossing and turning, and some very, very odd, freaky, and sometimes horrifying dreams...not to mention the fact that all this has been causing mild halucinations here and there...[SARCASM]it's great i love being awake most of the day and seeing/hearing things that aren't really there[/SARCASM]

Anywho...in case you were wondering...that's how i'm doing. Other than that, and a lack of employment, it's all mostly peachy :D

Anybody want a peanut?

2007-01-08T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well my fellow fans of reading what's going on...I have something interesting for you. This weekend I not only rearranged some furniture...but I also created a chair. Yes, not bought, or stole, or borrowed, or found on the side of the road, created. Using my skills in...ummm...chairish making stuff I turned ordinary household objects into a cozy litlle chair.

And now for your viewing pleasure behold **fanfare** THE CHAIR!!!

Just so you understand what's going on, these photos go in sequence from the different stages of creation...the only thing that's missing is a photo of the original uncut...barrell. Enjoy the creativity that I now call "chair"!!

IT'S ALIIIVVVEEE!!!!

2006-12-28T14:10:00.000-05:00

Errrmmm, actually "it's" not but I still am. I've been accused of being a slacker in regards to posting here for you happy people (thanks JESS). So I'm here letting you know that life still exists, and I still am drawing breath. With that said, I will now wish you all a late Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Holiday was good for me....got to go home and see the family...which is always good.

Anywho, I've got stuff that must be done, and you need not waste anymore time reading my ramblings...so we shall depart!

I don't know

2006-09-13T20:16:00.000-05:00

Over the past week I've had a lot of time to think (something bout 12 hrs alone in a car will do that...). Now I know that some of you who know me well are starting to say "uhoh" and "what now?" Thankfully none of the thinking that occured should have you worried. However, much of the thought processes have been more analytical and reflective.

I did my best to set aside all the mental gyrations, misgivings, feelings, and such that usually factor into my odd frame of thinking, and then just step outside my "life" and take a look at what's going on. I pondered where I am, how I got there, and why. I conisdered things I've done and said, the events that ultimately led up to those, and tried to determine the best course of action to remedy things that needed to be so.

I saw how I let things from my past (feelings, events, etc) dictate my future, and thus propel me back into the same feelings, etc. that I sought to avoid. I also thought over all the events in the past few months that have put me into the position that I'm now in. And how not only my actions, but also the actions of others has directed me into this spot.

All this thinking, I saw it. It all made sense. I totally understand and can follow what logic there has been in everything. I looked back and saw how little things went undealt with and pushed aside until they became major problems. I saw how each decision, no matter how minute, has in some way, shape, form or fashion affected my life and the lives of those around me. I saw all this. Some of it hurt to see, b/c I knew the pain it caused me or people close to me. Some of it I saw and would gladly do again.

Yet amid all this reflecting I came away with one central thought: "I don't know." Yes I know seems odd to say it, since I said I understood it all, but it doesn't just apply to that...

I don't know where I'd be without the people closest to me, and who have over many, many occasions (whether I noticed or knew or not) proved their concern, care and love for me.

I don't know what life would be like if I could go back and change but one or two small tiny things.

I don't know where all this is headed.

I don't know why people put up with me sometimes.

I don't know how I got this far.

I don't know...there's just so much...

No matter how much I think about it there will be mysteries--things that I completely do not and will not understand. However there is one thing I know for a fact: I am more grateful than I could ever express with word or action to those of you who have been there for me, and have done everything you could to help out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has not gone unnoticed, and will not ever be forgotten.

Do you know??

2006-09-13T16:58:00.000-05:00

To those who feel up to the task...the following link contains something for you to do. Simply you must pick 5 words from the list that you feel best describe me. This will tell everyone who sees it a bunch of stuff. The more people who do it the better results...etc.

So now's your chance...click the link and pick those words!!

link

An ode to calamity

2006-09-07T08:56:00.000-05:00

Well have I played the part of a fool,
Wrapt up in selfish misery,
Knowing naught of sorrow's rule.
Too late the light of truth I see,
Where much to my chagrin,
Instead of being lovely,
All turned rotten within.

Alas, tis true. Oh too often we see the problems we've been sowing only when the first fruits come to harvest. I would give all my earthly possesions, sacrifice my very limbs if I could but undo this hurt I've brought to those dear to me. The error of looking always at self is only noticed when you run face-first into your mirror which those who love you have attempted to move from your path. And then not only have you been hurt, but those who care about you are hurt as well. It is only then do you see that the pain you caused yourself pales in comparison to the hurt you endure knowing you've hurt someone dear.

As I emerge from the remnants
of shattered, broken self-pity,
I see reflected in the fragments
A baser shade of me.
As I beg of those I injured
Forgiveness.
I feel the pain they've endured.

Words fail as I seek to express my sorrow. Never has pain been so great as when you helplessly watch yourself hurt a friend. A thousand apologies given for a thousand days I fear would ne'er suffice to mend such a hurt. And yet I, I have done this...I have done it without knowing what it was I did...without knowing until the hurt had been done. All the treasures of the world would be too little a price to pay for a chance at forgiveness.

Like the phoenix from ashes,
So must I rise from this folly.
The phoenix burns anew like torches,
Yet I am not made fresh from this folly.
In time wounds must heal,
Scars will attest to the folly
Yet the pain will be remembered as real.

restrictions and such

2006-08-22T20:48:00.000-05:00

As some may know there are certain restrictions placed upon indiviuals who drive. One such restriction is the "a" restriction...and those of you who have it know what I'm talkin about.

Well, last night I learned...via good experience...why exactly that restriction is necessary. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to make a 20 minute drive from a friend's house back to mine without the aid of my corrective lenses. Those of you who know me well know that I'm decently blind without some sort of optical correction.

So thankfully nothing major happened...just a couple of almost minor incidents that made the trip rather harrowing. The first was fog. Picture this, you can't see a thing...it's all blurry, but your headlights give enough light that you can stay on the road, though the haze on your windshield distorts them. Then you drive into a patch of fog, and the side of the road disappears, as does everything but the trail of your headlights. You try to use the good half of your broken glasses and close the other eye, but that only makes things worse b/c you have absolutely no depth perception at all (and the fact that the lense is a prescription too strong doesn't help either...).

That's how the whole ride home went...only I didn't ever try to put the glasses on again, b/c I learned that was just going to make it worse. Most of it was highway, so as long as I could see reflectors I could gauge where I was and stay in a lane. Until I had to turn off the highway...that was rough, almost turned into a ditch, and then just about drove straight into the front yard of a church...

A tribute

2006-08-01T17:26:00.000-05:00

Emptiness is felt without you,
Knowing that you're gone.
Tears flow unbidden
As memories come rushing in.
The past seems like yesterday,
But too far away.

As I hold you dear to heart,
Knowing as we'll be apart,
Your love will not be unfelt
As your example lights my way.

All that is within me
Wishes upon the past
Thinking it went too fast
To know more of you.

If I'd had the chance to say,
These words would ring true,
"MeeMaw, I love you,
each and every day."

since i was told to post...

2006-07-18T20:43:00.000-05:00

yup...i've been instructed, by a friend, that i neeed to post something, cuz, APPARENTLY, it's been a little while since I have. Now I don't know the specifics of that...but that's what I was told. I can't say that there's much new other than um...having the brains of my laptop completely fry and then have to be replaced, and uh...some other stuff happened...like...oh going to the doctor for a work related problem and finding out that I have bicepital tendonitis...whooohoooo, and then I...um...ate something, and went to bed, the end.

LOL! I really just don't know what to say for there's not much that needs to be said. Yes i could ramble on bout this n that n the other thing, but....eh...what's the use, i ramble enough as it is...why add more steam to the atmosphere?

UGH

2006-06-15T18:30:00.000-05:00

Well, today has been very interesting to say the least. Today began my trip to Michigan for one of my good friend's wedding, which I just happen to be in as a groomsman. It all started around 5:40 when I rolled out of bed to get ready to leave, etc. Brandy and I left greenville around 6:20, and had a decent trip despite the thick traffic between gwinnett and the 285 bypass. That was all good.

I got to the airport, and thru security and even to my gate by 10:00 for my 10:45 (on time) flight to Flint, MI. That was when all the fun began...to start with my blood sugar started gettin all flaky do to nervousness, and such, but I was able to get calm enough not to notice that at all. I sat around my gate, keeping tabs on the time, and noticed that the time for my flight was ever approaching, and I was hearing nothing about it. Since it's been years since I flew, and this was the first time I've flown alone, I just shrugged it off as worry. Little did I know that I should've been worried. For the gate on my boarding pass, and the gate the plane arrived at differed completely. And this difference wasn't just a matter of number, no...it was in a totally different concourse. Anyhow, I'm getting ahead of myself. Around 10:35-10:40 I gathered my stuff and went to find out where in the world my plane was. After waiting in line I got to the desk to inquire about it around 10:45 (yes, the time I was supposed be going down a runway...) and found out then that it wasn't at D35 NO SIREEE it was at C33, and I missed it...which the lady behind the counter was nice enough to point out to me (as if I didn't already know...). Thankfully, there was another flight going up there this afternoon...at 2:00. Which meant I had to sit for oh 3 hours in an airport b/c someone somewhere goofed up.

By the time I did actually make it to flint, which was around 4 pm, I was exhausted and hungry (turns out I'd only had a cookie, 2 small kruellers, and 1.5 frappachinos...due mainly to a lack of desire to eat...despite the hunger [yea, figure that one out....]). Currently, my day will continue to drag on. I've eaten something (honestly not enough cuz I'm still starving...), and ridden another hour and a half to get to my friends city (midland, MI), helped move stuff around for the reception on Saturday, met family and such...then in about 45 minutes we have to drive back to Flint (bout an hour to hour or so) to pick another groomsman from the airport, swing by some funny named town to get some forgotten honeymoon plans of mike's that a co-worker (of mike's) is bringing home with him from the capitol building in Lansing where mike works. Then after another hour's drive we'll get to the hotel where we get to (may i say "finally") sleep.

So, tis been one L-O-N-G day...and who knows what the rest of the weekend shall hold...

To you, my father...

2006-06-10T09:06:00.000-05:00

Well, to those of you who don't know, today is my dad's birthday. Yup he gains another notch on the ladder of life, another rung in his belt, and a new peg for his leg. Hehe. ;) So, dad, hope this day goes well, you have an awesome time, get some good food (which if grannie's cooking I know twill be good), and generally take it easy on this your birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

yes, i'm still here

2006-06-07T18:29:00.000-05:00

in case any of you people were wondering i am still alive, here, and such. there just hasn't been that much to post about, nothing is going on other than the normal stuff that has already been written about...sorry to disappoint, but that's the way it goes sometimes.

Little Things....

2006-05-20T10:00:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it seems that it's the little things that you live for. Seemingly small and insignificant actions of others that just make your day. That little word, phone call, smile, kiss, presence or even just tone of voice brings a joy that will never be able to completely be expressed in words, though it be very much appreciated. Rough days never seem as rough, and good days are made so much better just by that little thing.

Sadly, sometimes it's also little things that really seem to mess things up. Words taken out of context, attitudes misunderstood, feelings not known, circumstances unexplained, or actions mistaken. Such little things become the penny the derails the train, or the thorn that cripples the mighty lion. They render you feeling frustrated that something's happened, upset that you've caused pain, angry at yourself for being so blind, sad that all seemed to fall apart, pessimistic about both past and future, and many times scared.

When these little things become big things for whatever reason, time seems to come to a crawl. Every second seems like hours, every feeling gets intensified, and bajillions of thoughts scream through your head. Sleep comes as a relief, but seems to be so very close yet so very far, far away.

When little things become big things your stomach never feels right, and only distraction takes your thoughts away. Yet all you want to do is focus on that one thing. Your thoughts jump to conclusions as your mind searches its maze of experiences for something to compare it to.

When little things become big things they mean a lot more. The joy you receive or the pain you feel seems so much more real that you become blinded and cannot see reality. Thus you place your self either in an extreme emotional high or the deep gutters of despondency.

When little things become big things you don't know what to do. They leave you just sitting there either enjoying or resenting the rush of feelings that are flooding your heart. Reactions (complete with possible consequences) must be carefully weighed and excercised with extreme caution, thoughts must be checked, rechecked and then filtered by reality, and feelings must be controlled.

When little things become big things all you can do is accept them. However much you enjoyed or disliked it, nothing you say or do will change that it happened. If the pieces are shattered, pick them up and reassemble. If you're on cloud nine, bring yourself down.

When little things become big things life goes on whether you want it to or not. Living in a haze, daze, or other such altered state over what happens makes daily life so much harder. You want to either sit and relive the joy, or push the dread far far away. In either case, constantly it comes to mind and causes you to miss out on some things in life.

When little things make your day the rain clouds disappear.

When little things put you to sleep at night it's a much sweeter sleep.

When little things sound beautiful you sit awed by their beauty.

When little things are those kisses just at the right time they puts you in bliss.

When little things are just smiles they mean so much more.

When little things are being there to comfort, console, help, or just to be there they make the time so much better.

When little things mean more than can be put into words you can never truly express what you feel.

Mega Congrats!!

2006-05-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to post a big congradulations to all those who just commenced their lifes by walking across a stage to receive an empty diploma case. I truly hope that such emptiness will not be symoblic of the education so recently completed. Way to go guys!!

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! !

MMMM....sushi

2006-04-28T23:00:00.001-05:00

So...i went for sushi again tonight...and it was just as good as last time...and i've learned that i really don't care all that much for tako...it too bland and chewy....and as always, spicy tuna is just totally totally awesome.

Hope?

2006-04-28T23:00:00.000-05:00

Ever stop to think about hope? Tis an interesting line of thought...

Let us frist start with the dictionary, and establish what the common usage of said "hope" is.

hope (hp)

v., hoped, hoping, hopes. v.intr.

To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
Archaic. To have confidence; trust.

v.tr.

To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.
To expect and desire. See synonyms at expect.

A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
often Hope Christianity. The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
Archaic. Trust; confidence.

idiom:

hope against hope

To hope with little reason or justification.

[Middle English hopen, from Old English hopian.]

hop'er n.

It, hope, obviously is an inanimate substance, that is, if substances can be considered inanimate and substances. Otherwise, hope is something never to be handled, felt or seen, through human senses. Yet, if hope truly is "desire and expectation rolled into one," then there must be some way of perceiving it.

Ah! Now the wheels begin to turn inside your head as you struggle to see things in the manner in which I do. Consider this, if something is incapable of being perceived then it follows that it is incapable of being defined. An accurate definition never contains the word being defined, and must, by nature of being "accurate" correctly and coherently sum up what it's defining. That being said, let us establish this sinple principle: definition, by default, requires perception.

Now, "the rub" lies with the ghastly term "perception." Simply put this "perception" comes from the use of the senses...sight, sound, taste, feel, and mind. Perception in the mind covers a vast realm of philosophical matters that need not be brought up here or at this time. It will suffice to say, that "true perception" lies solely in the mind, and the senses are but an extension of that perception. For our use we will deem that when an object was been "perceived" it has been grasped by the mind. Thus since it has been perceived, it can be defined.

Moving on to hope, we establish that though intangible, it exists as something to be perceived, thus enabling us, and others before us to create, and refine an adequate definition. I doubt that any of us would disagree with the statement that "the common usage of the word 'hope' today is that of 'expectant desire'." With that in our minds let us consider the validity of having hope.

The question at hand, "Is having hope really worth it?" or "Does hope truly help?", follows an interesting line of thought. Hope is "expectant desire." In other words, a desire of some sort exists, and you truly expect it to be fulfilled. Desire truly implies a want of some sort. Yet by default, no one ever gets all that they want, there is no possible way that every person could have everything they want, all the time. It is physically impossible. Thus it would follow that not every hope that one has will be fulfilled.

That brings us back to the question: "why should i hope if it's only going to be left unfulfilled?" The answer to that question varies from person to person. Those who tend to be optimists would reply that you should always "hope against hope" for the next time could prove better. Then the comes the reply from the pessimisstic side of the camp saying that you should give up hope for you will always be let down. What about those who take the middle ground? They tell you that it all depends on the situation at hand, and that only you can decide.

Where does this leave us? It leaves us with the ascertaition that hope, and the value of hope must lie within the individual. That which would be hopeful to me, could be ordinary to someone else. Does it pay off to "keep your hopes up"? That too must be answered solely by you. Since hope remains intangible, it also remains very subjective. Many elements of what some could consider hope lie deep beneath the surface of their personal understanding. And remain there.

The results are in...

2006-04-13T22:46:00.000-05:00

and it's totally official...sushi is like so totally awesome!! It's just so great!!

In case you didn't know...

2006-04-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

As you might not have known, many days of the calendar year can be designated with a name...usually that of a holiday like Christmas, or Valentine's Day. There are, however, lesser known "holidays". These are usually more fun, and have some sort of a purpose to someone some where. Yesterday, for example, was "stare up into the sky day." Now we come to the whole reason i write this TODAY. On this very day it has been designated, by the folks at suda.co.uk, that today is **trumpet fanfare** BLAME SOMEONE ELSE DAY!! Yes, on this day, and for this day only you have complete liberty to take all your problems, frustrations, etc. and blame anybody but yourself for them.

**REMINDER** This is not to be indulged upon, since it only happens once a year...and you never know who may be blaming you...

With that said...enjoy the rest of a responsibility free day!!

Stereotypes

2006-04-03T20:02:00.000-05:00

Ever stop to wonder where society would be if you couldn't magically put people into nice, predefined categories based upon some part of there life? Think about it...you could actually know people for who they are...wow imagine that!

Scenery

2006-03-05T22:42:00.000-05:00

I took this from the almost top of a mountain near Glassy Mountain. It's amazing what you can do with about 5-6 pics and good video software.

Faceplant

2006-03-04T12:39:00.000-05:00

You'll never guess what happened to me at work yesterday. Ok..maybe you've got some idea from the title of this post... While struggling to slide a bundle of aluminum angle, something gave way...I don't remember now if it was my feet or my hands, but regardless I plummeted, rather forcefully I might add, face first into said aluminum. My lip hit first...actually right below my lip...kinda equal with the bottom of my teeth, then the bridge of my nose, and finally the ridge just above my eyebrows. Needless to say...it hurts. I've got an ugly looking (editor's note: this cut just looks ugly b/c it's on the nose...it was not deep at all) cut on my nose, and a nasty (being very different from previously used ugly) looking bruise below my lip. It's all purple and red speckled...and the inside of my lip looks much worse. It feels really weird, b/c the bruised area is slightly swollen, and just hurts..like a bruise usually does.

Responsibility...

2006-02-25T00:45:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been really, really annoyed by something someone else does? If you answer that question honestly...which of course you will...the answer's "yes." Now then, have you ever stopped to think whether you're guilty of the same annoyance? Often, at least so i've learned from my vast life experiences...., what annoys us about someone else lives, sometimes more blatanly, in our own lives. Consider this...you're working with this guy who, though you can get along with him just fine..., manages to drive you up a wall. When something "bad" happens it seems like the responsibility never comes to him...it's always something else...the machine...the pedal...the rollers. But no matter what...IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. And this starts to really perturb you...and you find yourself thinking..."why won't this guy just grow up, be a man, and take the blame?" As you ponder this, and stew over how much he annoys you...maybe the thought will hit you (or at least it should...) "ooo, i wonder if i'm ever that way...?" And if it does strike you, think on that thought, and maybe you'll see that even though you are annoyed...you should be understanding as well...sometimes....maybe...

Hilariousisity

2006-02-22T18:32:00.000-05:00

Oh, so funny...sad thing is I know people like this...

Are you as stupid as you think I am?

2006-02-17T18:49:00.000-05:00

Back in the day I couldn't really ever pin down a "pet peeve," yet all that has changed. I now have a number one peeve *drum roll* people treating me like I'm a complete idiot. Like where do people come off being so arrogant...it ticks me off. However, I must admit that, at times, I'm guilty of the same...maybe that's why it bugs me so much....